On the heels of an incredible few days at Idea Camp, I have to admit that I blew it big time.  And by big time, I mean that I blew it in a way that I’m not sure I can ever reconcile, nor that any post could even come close to covering.

Of all the people that we thanked for all they did to make Idea Camp, I neglected to thank the one person who deserved it the most.  I neglected to acknowledge the one person, who without their sacrifice, Idea Camp would never have happen.

I neglected to say thank you to my wife, and I am wrecked.

…an honest mistake?

In my heart yes, but it speaks to greater issues as well.

After all, this journey of adoption, tension and trying to find a way to care for the children that were left behind all began because of the tender mercy of the one person on this earth I cannot live without.

I was one of the 97% that Jason Locy spoke of who wasn’t engaged in the issue. I didn’t even have it on my radar.  In fact, I would not have even been able to recognize it if it were to fly across my radar.

God, through the heart, actions, loss and pain in my wife, awakened my heart to the voice of the 163 million children in the world that we seek to help.

It was through her mercy and her journey that our family became complete in a way that I would have never known.  It wasn’t until our daughter was home that I could fully recognize just how incomplete we were.  It was my wife’s heart that felt this hole long before I could even see it in the distance.

Countless hours of paper work, stress, tears, anxiety and a longing that only a mother can understand were brought to closure when our little girl was finally placed into our arms.  It was God moving through Corrie that showed me just how much He truly loves me in a way that I have never known before.  My understand of how God’s adoption covers me came because of her.

The course of our life was completely changed, and not because I was out leading the charge.  It was changed because of the gentle, soft and almost silent whisper of a God speaking to a mother.  It was a whisper that I struggle to hear because of all the activity, the lights and the buzz of the things around me.

So, when it was time to be silent and listen to God whisper again, I missed it.  I missed it because I still have not learned that one of the most prophetic people in my life is the one who can hear His whispers.  I still have not learned that God speaks in the silence and calls us to sit with Him there.

I blew it. 

But, not just with my wife, I blew it with my God.  I blew it because in those quiet moments, I am not. 

The activity of Idea Camp has ceased, and now it is time to determine what next steps we will take because of it.  However, step one for me is a lesson I’ve never learned.  It is the lesson of stillness, of quietness and of listening.

…for this, I have much to learn about this from my wife, and now it is time that I become a student of her heart.